You know, the, uh, earliest memory that I have of my father is, um, not going on family vacation because, uh, he had too much going on at work. And now I, you know, looking back, I know that there's a lot more to that story, but that's kind of the narrative that my little mind began to create. And, and as I was real young, right? My parents were divorced, my parents got divorced, and, uh, we moved. Um, I grew up with, with just my mom and my older sister in the household, who by the way, are just absolutely incredible people.

Um, but that father figure, right, was kind of missing in my life and in my story. And so in a lot of ways that father figure became my grandfather. And my grandfather was one of those men that like, man, just like the picture, right? Like liberty overalls every day, right? Like the picture of, of just grit and grind and do whatever it takes to provide for the family.

And while I like idolized him in a lot of ways for that, um, there, there was still a lot missing there, right? Like the, the idea of like affection and approval just was, seemed to be totally foreign to him, right? Like, simple things like, man, thank you. I'm proud of you. Good job.

I love you. Like, those were just words that just did not exist in his vocabulary. And I'm sure, like, I'm sure it's because he never heard them. Um, but I know, I know we never heard them from him. So several weeks ago, whenever our team sat down together and we started kind of planning through this series, right?

And kind of thinking about what all this series was gonna include, and we landed on this idea of, man, we just, like, we, we need a space where we can begin kind of unpacking some of the ideas, some of the, like the family, uh, dysfunction or family tension or family drama that all of us carry, right? And kind of begin unpacking that and holding that up to the light of the Gospel. Um, it became really apparent that, that this was one of those that I just, I really needed to lean into because, uh, one, one of the things God has been showing me, uh, recently in my life is that, that I carry with me generations of men who lack the kind of, of presence and approval and affection that can gift others, especially young men, can gift others confidence and identity. And then I know, um, like I, I hadn't done all of the hard work to really discover like what all comes along with that? And I realize there are probably some counselors in the room that say, yeah, poor soul, we, we know, we can see that.

Um, but my point is right, like we've all got some of that, right? Like this is kind of Craig's point from, from last week when we started this series, right? Like, no person is perfect apart from Jesus. No person is perfect. No, no family is perfect, no parents are perfect, which means all of us carry with us some kind of of tension, maybe you call it drama, maybe you call it dysfunction.

All of us carry with us something that that leaves us kind of feeling like we, we are flying through life in some way or some season on a wing and a prayer. Whether we're talking about absent fathers or we're talking about critical mothers. We're talking about a role model or, or influencer in our life that broke promises or, or disappointed us. We're talking about, um, a addictions that became normalized in our environment, or maybe abuses that became systematized. Or maybe just like a way of, of viewing and talking and relating to the world around you in a way that like diminishes and belittles everyone else.

We, we've all got, we've all got something right now. There's a, uh, there's a phrase. It's a little bit of a buzzword around this idea. Maybe you've heard it. Generational curses.

You ever heard anybody talk about a generational curse? As a matter of fact, I got sent, um, this weekend, I got sent some posts on Instagram of, you know, parent talking about breaking generational curses by not yelling at their children the way they were yelled at as a child. And, and, and I'm just gonna be honest with you here, like I get the heart of that language. I don't think it's really helpful language, um, that, that idea of a generational curse. Uh, and, and the reason is there's some like passivity under there that I think that we don't really have all the, all the time to get into right here.

Um, but I do think, and this, this is where I want to go today, okay? I believe a better way of, of kind of pressing in and talking about this is the idea of patterns. And, and here's why. Okay? I told you I wasn't gonna get into it.

Let's get into it a little bit. Um, the idea of curses, right? When we talk about generational curses, it, it leaves me feeling like I don't have a choice in the matter, right? And it leaves me feeling like I need seven dwarves or a potion or something to fix it, right? But, but when we start talking about patterns, and that's not to, that's not to diminish or belittle any experience, because the reality is, and this is one of the things I want you to see today, patterns are incredibly powerful.

But the reason I choose that language, the reason I wanna talk about patterns that we've inherited versus curses that we've inherited is because we do have a choice. We do have a choice in the patterns that we will reproduce or not, right? And so what I want you to see today, here's kinda the big heart and the big goal today is that, that, yes, the patterns that we've inherited are powerful, but patterns can be interrupted. And that's a choice we have to lean into. I mean, I'll tell you for me, right?

Like I, as I think about, and as I kind of process some of the, the patterns that I've inherited, like there are some things that I'm committed to just ending with me. Like I, I'm committed to be the type of person that my family never has to guess where my affection or my approval lies. Not because of anything that they've done or can do for me, but simply because of who they are. Like, I wanna be that person. That's something I'll work towards.

And I, I, I'm not perfect at this. Just yesterday, I realized after who knows how long, man, I need to put down this pressure washer and just go sit with my wife and my daughter, right? Like, this is the thing I'm still working on, just being present with my family. I, I want, this is another thing I'm committed to. I want my daughter to grow up and have a hard time finding a husband because she can't find somebody that treats her the way her daddy treated her mama.

But like, that's, that's something I'm committed to, right? Like, that's a pattern that, that I, a pattern that I want to change from what I've inherited. And that's my stuff may not be your stuff, right? But the, the point is, we all got stuff. And is that the question is how do we then, uh, begin to break those patterns and create new ones?

How, how do we break the patterns that we've inherited that are not God honoring to begin to create new ones? And, and I'll tell you this, and then we're gonna jump into Scripture. I'll tell you this, it does not happen by puffing out our chest and saying, I'm gonna do better. I'm gonna be better, right? It happens by the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit in and through us.

And I wanna show you what that looks like in, in a man's story in the Bible. So Genesis 45 is where we're gonna be. You wanna go ahead and turn there. Genesis chapter 45. Now, I wanna read just a little bit of, uh, Joseph's story.

When I say Joseph, I don't mean like Joseph in the New Testament, you know, earthly father of Jesus, uh, husband of, of Mary, I mean Joseph in the Old Testament, Genesis, Joseph and o over a quarter, I think over a fourth of the book of Genesis is dedicated to this man's life alone. And one of the things we learned about Joseph's life is dude's got stuff right? Like he's got all sorts of family dysfunction and drama intention and all sorts of patterns that he has inherited. His family is marked by, um, is marked by deception and manipulation and favoritism. That all leads to separation.

And, and, and by God's redemptive power, and this is a story that has been unfolding in Joseph for generations, going back to his great-grandfather Abraham. And it all kind of culminates right in this, it reproduces generation after generation till we get to Joseph And Jo, if you don't know the Joseph's story, his brothers, Joseph's brothers sell him into slavery. Like you got drama. I get it. You got some family tension at the 4th of July picnic.

You ain't got that. Alright? And we see this like, we see this kind of culminating and building in Joseph's story, and I wanna show you, we're gonna pick up kind of towards the end, uh, of his story. I wanna show you three moves, um, that, that kind of help, I believe help us break old patterns and create new ones. Look back, forgive, and move forward.

Look back, forgive, move forward. We're gonna kinda walk these out through Joseph's story. Okay? You ready? Genesis 45.

Uh, let's pick up in verse one. It says this, then Joseph could not control himself before all those who stood by him, he cried. Make everyone go out for me. So no one stood with, no one stayed with him when Joseph made himself known to his brothers. Alright, Paul's right here.

'Cause um, I realize I should catch you up a little bit on this story. So here's what happens real quick. Flyover Joseph's brothers sell him into slavery. They move on with their life thinking he's either dead or a slave, right? Joseph, though stays faithful to God and God just blesses him in ways that only God can.

And eventually, Joseph moves from a slave forgotten by his brothers to, to power in Egypt. He's like second in command in all of Egypt. He's like, vice Pharaoh, if that's a thing. I don't really know. But his brothers have no idea.

His brothers have no idea that Joseph's not still a slave until this moment, this very moment where, where they're confronted, right? And Joseph and his brothers are face to face. Verse two, let's keep reading verse two. And he wept Joseph wept aloud so that, so that all the Egyptians heard it, and the household of Pharaoh heard it. And Joseph said to his brothers, I'm Joseph, it's me.

Is my father still alive? But his brothers could not answer him for they were dismayed at his presence. Makes sense. They had no idea. Verse four.

So Joseph said to his brothers, come near to me please. And they came near and he said, I'm your brother Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt. And now do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here for God sent me before you to preserve life. And the three movements I wanna show you, right? And it starts with looking back.

Before Joseph could do anything else, he had to look back and he had to confront what was there in his past. Now, I'm just gonna be really honest with you. Like, this is a space that like I, I'm not comfortable at and I'm not good at this. This idea of like looking back and reflecting and kind of seeing what's all there. Like, I, I'm, I'm not good there.

As a matter of fact, uh, if you would've asked me two years ago, maybe even a year ago like this, this is a really new conversation for me. If you would've asked me, Hey, tell, tell me about your childhood and tell me about, tell me about your parents. Tell me about the moments that that affected or influenced you. And then, and then you would've asked me, okay, well, like, how, how did that affect you? How, how did that affect you in your adult life?

I'd have told you confidently. As a matter of fact, I said this many times, oh, it didn't affect me. No. Look man, that, that, that is what it is. Hey, childhood is childhood, right?

Like, we all got our stuff that's back there. That is what it is. I am who I am. It didn't affect me at all. And then life, like if you experienced this, you know this, right?

Like, life has a way of just punching you in the mouth and all of a sudden all this stuff like just starts stirring in you. And, and, and it'll, it'll, it'll explode out of you in ways that like you're, you're confronted with, oh man, where like, man, where did that come from? Like that, that's in me for a reason. How, how did that happen? Where, where did, where did that begin?

And so let me, lemme kinda like simplify this a little bit. Okay? Let, let me bring this down. Um, in a little bit easier way for us to process all this, this helped me process it, okay? This helped me begin to kind of think through this.

If we're going to, if we're going to break old patterns, if we're gonna create new patterns. If, if we're going to, to be in a place through the sanctifying work of the spirit, we can create those God honoring patterns, then I think we have to recognize and respond and recognize and respond to both the blessings and the burdens that we carry. 'Cause here's the deal, like I told you about some of my burdens, but but there's blessings too, right? Like, I can tell you some incredible things about the men in my life. Like they're both there.

There's blessings and those burdens, we gotta recognize them and we gotta respond to them because there, there's no way that we can create new patterns if we don't understand the patterns we're currently living out, right? And so then what does that look like? How, how do I begin to find those patterns? How do I begin to name and understand those things? Well, lemme give you a couple of questions, okay?

That, that maybe help you. Again, these, these just help me, just help me begin to process this. Um, and if you don't catch all this, hey, look, download the Venture Church out. There's a button there on the app for message notes. You can see all these notes, okay?

So if you're a note taker, you don't catch it, that's fine. Um, who or what have I learned from or been influenced by? Who or what have I learned from or been influenced by? What are those moments? Who are those people that that taught me some good or bad that taught me something?

As I think about those moments, as I think about those people and those things that I've learned, who do I want to be more like and why? And I, I, I remember the way they made me feel. I, I remember the words that they said, I remember the way they showed up. I want, I want to be more like that for somebody else. In the same, same way.

Who do I want to be less like? And why? Man, I, I remember the way they made me feel. I remember the words they said. I remember when they showed up and I kind of wish they wouldn't have.

Who do I wanna be more like, and, and who do I wanna be less like? And and now as you begin to kinda wrestle with that, right? And you begin to kind of wrestle and wonder, and then those thoughts begin to stir, you gotta do something with 'em. Like, we gotta recognize it, but we also gotta respond to it. You gotta, you gotta do something with these answers.

There, there's a quote. Um, Pete Cero, he's wrote several books. One of them is Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. It's a great book. I would recommend it.

I wanna show you this quote. Um, he said, our fear of bringing secrets and sin into the light, however, drives many people to prefer the illusion. If they don't think about it, it somehow goes away. Anybody living there? And if I just don't think about that, if I, if I can, if I can just pretend that didn't happen, they didn't really do that thing, that's not, I didn't really explode on my family, then maybe it'll just go away.

It doesn't love the simplicity of that. It doesn't, doesn't go away. Unhealed wounds open us up to habitual sins against God and others. This is the reason that like, we find ourselves falling into addictions that we never thought we would. This this is the reason we find ourselves exploding on our families in ways that we swore up and down.

We would never do that. We would never be like that. We would never say those kinds of things. Unhealed wounds, secrets that we've yet to bring into the light to find healing. And the only way, the only way to do this is through confession.

This is the first place. What, what, we read this a second ago in Genesis four. This is the first place, it's the only place that Joseph confesses the secrets and sins. It's been, is the only time that, that Joseph raises his hand and acknowledges his history. Who he really is.

Dude is like I told you, he's powerful, right? He's almost leading Egypt. He's the real deal. And in this moment, he raises his hand and says, look, I know you see me as powerful. I know you think I'm the one that has it all together, but the reality is, I'm the little brother that didn't belong.

I'm the one that nobody wanted. I'm the one whose family rejected. I'm the one who got kicked out and cast aside and had no place to be. I'm the one who felt like I would never amount to anything because my family didn't want me around. That's me.

And it's in this moment, it's in this moment. As, as Joseph confesses the reality of who he is, that he begins to find healing from the secrets he's been carrying. It is not success. It is not power. It is not influence, it is not possession that will bring positions that will bring healing is confession.

Bringing our secrets into the light and allowing the healing work of the spirit to move. Let's keep rolling. Um, second movement to forgive. So we're gonna look back, right? But there's some forgiveness that's needed.

Go back to verse four with me real quick. We read, I wanna show you this line. Um, so Jesus, I mean, so Joseph said to his brothers, come near to me please. I love this line because like you, you can visualize, right? Like you can see the separation between Joseph and his brothers.

And this is, this is the family pattern. This is the tension, the separation between family that's been caused by deceit and manipulation. Like we see it being played out here. But I I, I do want to point out that, that forgiveness and reconciliation are not at all the same thing. Okay?

But let's understand that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. So when I talk about reconciliation, what I mean is like, I mean, relationships being made whole again. And reconciliation requires, it requires at least two parties, right? And it requires usually a whole lot of time. There are four chapters in the book of Genesis.

By the way, side note, there are four chapters in the book of Genesis dedicated to Joseph's story, all the way from the pit to the palace. There are six chapters dedicated to Joseph's reconciliation with his brothers. It's not an easy process. It's not a short process. And the reality is, man, there, there may be some relationships in here defined by, let's, let's just say defined by something like abuse, that maybe they don't need reconciliation.

The, those relationships may not need to be made whole again. But reconciliation is not required for forgiveness. Reconciliation needs both parties. Forgiveness only needs you now. So, so when Joseph says, come near right, and he says, come near to me, please.

You can kinda see this, this power differential playing out. Because remember, um, at the beginning of the story, we didn't read it, but at the beginning of the story, Joseph's brothers take him and throw him into a pit to sell him into slavery, right? So you, the, the brothers throw him down into the pit. But here in this moment, the rolls have reversed and Joseph has ascended in power. He's now sitting on the throne in Egypt looking down at his brothers.

And so when he says, come near to me, this is not a full restoring of relationship. He's not saying, Hey, come here, let's hug. Everything's fine. What he's saying is, I'm not going to use my power against you. Like you used it against me.

You know, I think a lot of times we withhold forgiveness because we think that unforgiveness gives us power over the offender. And can I just quote old zaro? It doesn't, it doesn't. But unforgiveness doesn't give us power over the offender. All it does is chain us to the offense.

A little over a year ago, uh, we, we did a series Hide It or Heal It. I don't know if you remember, it's one of my favorite series we've ever done. But in that series, uh, Blake Houston, he, he preached on forgiveness. And one of the lines he used there is that, uh, forgiveness is releasing the right to be offended. I love that line.

I love that idea, but because in forgiveness, right? It's not changing the offense, it's not denying the offense, it is releasing my hold on the offense. You know, we sometimes we last point here, we, we, hold on, on forgiveness. I still got a little bit more, okay, hang with me. But, uh, but one of the reasons I think a lot of times we'll use, it's an excuse that, that we'll use to hold on to unforgiveness, to not release the offenses.

We'll use justice, right? I don't know if I can forgive them because that person deserves fill in the blank. And you know what they probably do. But here's the reality, okay? Without forgiveness, it's not justice.

We're seeking it's vengeance. And God said, that's his Romans chapter 12, verse 18 and 19, right? He says, live at peace as much as you can, live at peace with, with all the people are around you. And the reality is not every, you can't live at peace with everybody. But that's a different conversation for a different day.

Um, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God in great line, right? Vengeance is mine, declares the Lord, I will repay evil. It's not yours to give. And so when we, when we hold a grudge and we sit in a seat of judgment towards another person, we're sitting in God's chair like you think it's a big deal to roll up to your father-in-law's house and sit in his recliner. The judgment seat is God's not ours.

And so when, when I hold on to that judgment, when I hold on to that grudge, man, I'm, I'm sitting in a place that only God deserves to see. Only he has the right the ability or the power to judge correctly and rightly. And so if we're gonna, now listen, if we're, if we're gonna break those old patterns and we're gonna create new ones, right? Then we gotta let God be God. We gotta let God be God and, and not sit in his seat and forgive, which means, by the way, you may need to forgive yourself.

'Cause for some of us, right, like the person we need to forgive is, is somebody who offended us. It is somebody that hurt us. And we do need to have some conversations. And we, man, we need to be honest about some of that pain and some of that offense that's there. We need to let go of that.

But maybe, maybe, maybe the, the, the grudge we need to let go of is towards ourselves. Maybe you're beginning to process. It's, man, it's not just about the patterns that I've inherited. It's about the patterns I'm now setting. I had a conversation with a father yesterday who said, man, I'm, I got, I, I've been thinking about like the, some of the, the, uh, patterns that I got from my father.

I've been thinking about like the way in which, you know, he used to, to talk and kind of play around with sarcasm, but just the way it made me feel. And I'm beginning to realize, man, I did the same thing now with my son, and I don't want him to feel what I felt. Then remember, like, again, this is what Craig talked about last week. Hey, this, listen, there's no perfect parents, right? And so maybe what we need to have is a little bit of grace and forgiveness towards ourselves.

And let, let God be God in that last point. Um, we gotta forgive and then move forward. 'Cause at some point, right, at some point we gotta move past the past. I mean, that's just kind of the reality, right? Like, we can look back.

We, we can look to the past and, and we need to, I think we, we, we need to kind of see where we've been and, and see what we've been through. But the reality is we can't live there. May, you know what, maybe that's what you need to hear today. You, you can look back, but you can't live back there, okay? Because if we're not careful, we will let our inability to change the past, change our future.

We will chain our future to our past. But God has a better way forward as we follow in his way, right? And so, uh, verse five, lemme go back to verse five. Lemme point out, um, just a couple of phrases here. Um, Joseph says, and now, and now I it's me, right?

He just had that confession moment. It's me. I'm the one that you sold into slavery. I'm the one that you rejected all that pain. And now I've heard somebody talk about the power of yes.

And like, yes, that hurt. Yes, yes. And you offended me. Yes, you broke my trust. Yes, you caused pain.

And God is good and God is in control. And God can do immeasurably more than I could ever think or imagine. And what you meant for evil. God has used for good. Yes.

And he says, and now do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here. For God sent me. It was God who sent me here. It wasn't God who sold me into slavery, but because you did that, God created a new path to do something new. It was God who sent me here we can choose to focus on our pain, our frustration, our dysfunction, whatever words you wanna put around that.

Or we can choose to reframe the narrative and understand our lives according to God's bigness. My parents divorced and I moved. But in that move, God rooted me in a church that radically changed my life. And God set my life next to people who would become my best friends for going on 30 years now, right? God can do immeasurably more than we could ever think or imagine.

God sent me before you to preserve life. There is always a purpose attached to God's sending. And so as we move forward, listen to him. As we move forward, it's not just about me or you, right? God is doing something outside of us.

This has always been the mo of God. This has always been how God has worked since he, since he called out the nation of Israel through Abraham. Even now as he has birthed the New Testament Church to the presence of His spirit. God works in and through his people, not simply to be a blessing for us as people, but to be a blessing to the world around us. Right?

To be a blessing through his people. It's always been the work he's doing to move us right? To be that reflection, to be Remember we did the fruit of the Spirit series so that others may taste and see that the Lord is good. And so if we're gonna create new patterns, we're gonna break old patterns. We're gonna create new patterns, then we gotta partner with God to be a blessing.

God is inviting us. Listen, whatever patterns, which whatever that has looked like, whatever pain, whatever frustration, whatever dysfunction can I tell you, like God is, God is working in that. God can work in that to be a blessing, not just to you, but through you. Um, there, there's an illustration. Uh, it's an old, it's an old kind of preacher, preacher illustration.

Uh, maybe you've heard it before. Um, you, you know, those like traveling circuses, you ever heard how they, they would keep an elephant captive in those circuses because at some point, right, like building a cage to hold a grown elephant is just impractical. And so what they learned, I have no idea if this is true or not. It was a really good illustration, so we're gonna roll with it. Um, but, but what those trappers learned was that you could trap an elephant with a stake and a rope in a little bit of time.

'Cause what they would do is they would, they would drive that stake in the ground and tie a rope around it. And then on the other end of that rope, they, they would tie it to the elephant's leg, A baby elephant. And that baby elephant learned at a very young age, oh, this rope, this, this rope means I'm stuck here. And then as that elephant grows in size and strength and stature, it more than has the power. It more than has the ability to break free.

But it's been conditioned to believe this rope means I'm stuck. This, this pain, this, this relationship, this memory, it means I'm stuck right here. You see the power, the power isn't in the rope, the power is in the pattern that's been set by the presence of the rope. So here's what I wanna do, okay? I wanna give you just a moment, just real quick, okay?

Because I, man, I I've, I've been thinking about this for a while now. Uh, but actually I wanna give you a moment to, to just kind of pause and reflect on maybe the patterns you're living out, maybe the patterns you're setting, those patterns that aren't leading to the way of God in your life or the life of the people around you. Just a few seconds of quiet here. I'm gonna let you process and kind of think, maybe you wanna close your eyes, maybe you wanna bow your head. Just begin to kind of think about and process those patterns in your story.

I told you patterns are powerful and they are, but the hope of Scripture is that patterns can be interrupted. Second Timothy, um, one seven, the Apostle Paul says, uh, for God gave us a spirit, not a fear, but a spirit of power, of love and self-control. There is more than enough power in the presence of God in your life to break free, to break those patterns, to create new ones. There is more. But again, listen to miss what we said at the beginning.

That doesn't happen through puffing out my chest and saying, I'm gonna be better. It happens through the sanctifying work of the spirit in us. So man, I'm just gonna invite you. I'm gonna pray for us. Then we're gonna step into a time of response.

I mean, I'm just gonna challenge you here. Maybe what you need to do is you need to acknowledge, you need to write down some of those patterns and go pin 'em at the cross. Leave them there. Step out of that rope. We'll have prayer team members available for you down front at the sides, depending on the campus, man, we're gonna have some people who just wanna lay a hand on your shoulder and pray for you, okay?

God has given you a spirit of power. There's freedom in his presence. Let's pray. Lord, we thank you, God, we thank you for your presence in this place. God, we thank you for the, the work of your spirit, God, that you have sent your spirit to, to dwell with us.

That, that we don't have to walk through life alone. That we don't have to experience the pain, the heartache, the tension, the frustration, the, the family dysfunction that like, we don't have to carry that alone because you said your yoke is easy. Your burden is like, I just pray that you'll, that you'll give us the strength to lay down those, those burdens. God, you'll give us the strength to lay down those patterns and begin to set new ones, set new ones to, to follow in your way, to glorify you, to set our eyes towards you, or pray that you'll move God, that you'll change lives, that you'll change generations. You'll change families today in this moment because of patterns broken in our lives and our stories, all things we ask in your name.

Amen.